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Shame on you, miniblahs, with your stale peanuts, tired Twix bars and exorbitantly priced Pringles. We didn’t board a plane in order to sip a flat Coke from your depths; no romance was ever sparked by vac-packed meat; we won’t come twice for your Del Monte juices.

It doesn’t have to be this way. We could be so good together. We could have something special. Just look at these madcap minibar treats, which put the rest of you to shame.

Meet the ministars…
QT Sydney DIY martini kit
We don’t like DIY, but we do like DIY martini kits. QT Sydney’s clever minibar cocktail kits include a useful espresso martini recipe. Who says you’re here to sleep? Vintage games, an emergency bowtie and an intimacy kit (stocked with blindfold, lube and condoms) are also at your disposal.

The Standard, East Village, New York Tina Thor jewellery
Minibar? Mini-boutique, more like. In addition to the usual spirits and mixers, you’ll find quirky treats such as custom-made jewellery by Tina Thor, Loraine makeup kits, Kiki de Montparnasse fripperies and health packs by fitness guru David Kirsch.

The Cullen, Melbourne
 M
ini art kit
Unleash your inner Picasso with the help of the Cullen’s creative minibars, which are conveniently stocked with a small canvas, paints and brushes (plus Swisse vitamins and Berocca for added artistic zing).

The Pig – on the Beach, Dorset, UK Retro sweets
A fan of nostalgic snacks? You’ll be a fan of the Pig – on the Beach’s minibars, stocked with Sherbet Dip Dabs and other classic childhood teeth-rotters.

The Laslett, London Saucy smalls
Got a tear in your lacies, or want to get (un)dressed up to the nines? If you ask nicely, the Laslett will provide you with stockings and suspender belts by Mrs Miller. We also love the stash of old-school confectionary, which includes Jelly Tots and Caramacs.

Alila Villas Uluwatu, Bali Alila beauty bounty
Alila is world famous for its fragrant beauty lotions, and your minibar is an excellent introduction to the range, thanks to its stash of face mist, tanning oil, aftersun, sunscreen and insect repellent. You can also pick from a gourmet, chocoholic or healthy minibar by filling out Alila’s detailed pre-stay questionnaire.

XV Beacon, Boston Detoxifying room spray
Spritz away the stress of city life (or at least a layer of grime) with XV Beacon’s homeopathic, all-natural minibar weapon, the City Life Detoxer from Sprayology. One of its ingredients is St. Mary’s thistle, said to ease lethargy.

Palazzina G, Venice Seduction kits
You’re in Venice; you’re in Palazzina G; you’re in a room with a minibar with a seduction kit. If you don’t end up with your legs around your earlobes, check into the crematorium.

The New York Edition, New York Illesteva/Edition sunglasses
You can’t get these shades anywhere else = pretty impressive minibar swag. A pair will set you back $188, but style is priceless.

Maia Luxury Resort & Spa, Seychelles La Prairie beauty fridge
LaPraie-Minibar1Each of Maia’s mega-luxe villas has a fridge stocked with chilled La Prairie beauty bounty, so you can apply the world’s best suntan lotion for the world’s best suntan, or just swim around your private pool with an ice-cold face mask on.

Illustrations: Jenna Hart.

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