Not long ago, rock stars checked out of hotels leaving a pile of defenestrated TVs behind them. However, if Ricky Wilson’s anonymous review of Kapari Natural Resort is to be believed, nowadays you’ll find them padding about luxury hotels about in linen trousers or Instagramming the Aegean from their boutique suite’s window.
Smith’s rock ’n’ roll reviewer admits that he doesn’t live up to the stereotype : ‘I’m particular about where I stay,’ says Ricky. ‘My reputation for complaining on one tour earned me the nickname Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen as I was always changing rooms’. He’s used to the high life however, having previously reviewed Smith hotel Coqui Coqui Valladolid in Mexico, where he realised he’d missed out on his life calling as a hotelier-cum-perfumer. Ricky may have once sung ‘Oh my God I can’t believe it, I’ve never been this far away from home’, but according to his Kapari Natural Resort review, this Leodensian was enchanted by both the hotel and surrounding Santorini…
I’m sat in our private Jacuzzi with the water level at the bottom rim of my sunglasses, staring out into the centre of a volcano in the Aegean Sea, and the only thing on my mind is how the hell am I going to write about this Greek hotel? Firstly, who wants to read a perfect review? It’s understood that while searching Tripadvisor we all go straight to the ‘no star’ reviews first, right? And secondly, I actually don’t want anyone else to know about this family-run Cycladic secret. It’s mine.
I did step out of the Jacuzzi once or twice. We spent the day on a catamaran and swam in the sulphurous centre of the volcano. It really was quite disgusting. And we ate out a couple of times. We were so lazy, there are hundreds of amazing restaurants but we ate at the nearest one twice. (Anogi is a pretty good taverna in Imerovigli, which is always packed). But really, everything we needed, including excellent room service, was within a prune-fingered hand’s reach. So, no amusing stories, no hilarious anecdotes where Mrs Smith and I win first prize in a Greek folk dancing competition. Just a tale of the most relaxing time of our lives.